I AM THE FORCE

For Immediate Release
February 8, 2006

Hundreds of Republican staffers took a break from their important work at the Wisconsin State Capitol to rally in support of the embattled and indicted former Speaker, Representative Scott Jensen (R-Brookfield.) "If he broke the law, he did it for us," exclaimed an Assembly aide who wished to remain anonymous, "and we are no longer afraid to speak out for the guy responsible for most of our jobs." Protesters handed out newsletters and graphs produced by the chief clerk's staff that highlighted the 280% increase in Republican staffers and pickup of nearly 20 Republican seats since Scott first took charge of the Assembly Republican Caucus.

Comparing themselves to Simon of Cyrene, the staffers also offered to serve Jensen's time in jail, in shifts, should he be convicted by the good Democrats of Dane County. Another aide who wished to remain anonymous said, "The John Doe testimony demonstrates that all but the most lazy of us participated in these illegal activities in some manner. Why shouldn't we have to share in the punishment?" "We all cheated, we all benefited, and we all got caught, " said another aide who asked to be identified as the guy formerly known as Capitol Curmudgeon, "Today, we all stand together united as one large body of felons to defend our primary benefactor from persecution."

Political observers were somewhat surprised at the rally and march around the square that followed. "Capitol Staffers are not known for accepting responsibility for their actions," noted former caucus staffer and current head of the Wisconsin Democracy Campaign Jay Heck, "we applaud the idea of collective responsibility, but still believe Scott Jensen should serve for at least five years on a chain gang. But staff prosecutions would be a good thing too." Senator Mike Ellis, who was strolling by the demonstration on his daily walk, said, "Who are all these people, and what exactly are they admitting to? None of this illegal campaigning ever occurred on my watch."

"We're guilty and we're proud," said another long-time legislative employee who asked to be referred to by her stage name Jazmyn. "I love Scott and think he is so nice, especially now that all those people who used to suck up to him are trying to keep their distance. I've slept on couches for him before, and the Dane County Huber facility could never be as bad as Lorraine Seratti's couch."

Jensen appeared at the rally and giddily posed for pictures with his supporters, but made only a few brief comments on the advice of his attorney. "It's gratifying to know that Republican staff understands the central role that I've played in their lives, and I hope we can work something out so that all of these little people can share in my punishment." Demonstrators doused Jensen with Gatorade and carried him around the square on their shoulders chanting "Jensen Rocks" and singing "We Shall Overcome" and "We Are The Champions."