Saturday, March 18, 2006

Becoming a Remove-Plastic-Bags-in-Trees Activist


People of the earth, I think we might just have our environmental priorities wrong. Instead of wringing our hands about global warming, perhaps we should all get out there and pull plastic bags out of trees. I know you've seen them, and if you haven't, just look up in the next trees you see. These bags are everywhere. Very ugly, and probably not such a great thing for wildlife.

Global warming doesn't concern me because I'm not wealthy enough to live on either coast, or have an expensive Outer Banks condo. Warmer temperatures would be good for Wisconsin in general and me in particular. We've all seen enough snow in our lives, and far too much of Southeastern Wisconsin's parka culture. If we could cut down on the snow and the parkas, you have to admit that would be a good thing.

Becoming a remove-plastic-bags-in-trees activist would not make you all that unique. The trend reportedly started in New York City's Central Park, with individuals and their long-reach grabbers pulling down every plastic eyesore in reach. It's probably even good exercise, so you'll be able to make more of the yummy recipes from I AM THE FORCE. It's even a way to meet new people, as strangers will regularly yell at you to ask you what the hell you are doing.

Please stop worrying about whether Antarctica is losing some of its ice, and start acting to improve the livability of your neighborhood. Each plastic bag you pull out of a tree will give you immense satisfaction and the immediate knowledge that you have made a difference. Stop the hand-wringing, and get out there and do something!

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