I AM THE FORCE

For Immediate Release
March 2, 2006

Alan Shore and Denny Crane Join Scott Jensen's Dream Team

The distinguished law firm of Crane Poole & Schmidt, announced today that they would be taking complete charge of indicted State Representative Scott Jensen's legal defense team. "With all due respect to the very competent Attorney Meyer," said Shore, "the defense needs our legal wizardry to overcome the stacked deck of a hanging judge and a cheating prosecutor."

The television legal team only agreed to take the case after reviewing the emotional testimonies of Brian Dake, Rose Smyrski, and Bill Cosh. "Denny Crane," said famed defense attorney Denny Crane, "we're in this case today because the eccentricity quotient has reached Boston Legal-like dimensions. Real people are truly stranger than fiction."

Shore also announced that he would be handling the closing arguments, in addition to cross-examinations, and baiting the judge. "This Judge has been both wrong in his rulings and prickly in his demeanor," added Shore, "he doesn't stand a chance against an adversary like myself. I look forward to crushing and embarrassing the old boy." Shore conceded meeting Jensen while at Harvard, but claimed that they "barely new each other" and travelled in very different social circles.

Although claiming it doesn't really matter, the new legal team proclaimed Jensen's innocence and promised to make District Attorney Blanchard's use of state resources for his campaign a major issue. "You can't send good people to jail just because they are professionally better than you," continued Shore. "If that were the case, Denny Crane and Scott Jensen would have been in jail a long time ago."

Crane, Poole, and Schmitt asked for and received special permission to up the state's legal reimbursement rate from $150 to $3,000 an hour, arguing that the former Speaker deserved the very best in legal representation. A joint committee of the Legislature chaired by "super big fan" Glenn Grothman agreed to the policy change after getting autographs from Denny Crane and special assistant Leonard Nimoy.

"Pull a rabbit out of your hat. That's the secret both to trial law and life."
- Denny Crane

"You have a job to do, and so do it. Yours is to sell socks and suspenders. Mine is to cross examine people like you and crush them."
- Alan Shore